A ramble on respect and parties.

We had a party yesterday. It was designed as a fundraising event for a new club that we're introducing at uni. There was swimming, laughing, quizzing and cricket. All up, it was a great way to launch a club like this, except for one thing: barely anyone came. We ended up with the three people who organised it and two other friends. However, we catered for a fair few more people than that, largely because a number of people indicated that they either were coming or might be coming, and then didn't show.

Now, it might just be sour grapes, but this leaves me wondering, what sort of an obligation does an invitee have in these circumstances? In this case, the club just covered costs, making it an unsuccessful (though enjoyable) day. If the two people who said that they were coming had turned up, we would have turned a decent profit, and been well on our way towards having enough money to run our first big event. In the case of personal celebrations, a birthday party, for instance, this sort of result would be just as aggravating. Imagine putting hours of preparation (cleaning, cooking/earning the money for food, potentially decorating and the like) only to have a couple of people show up, probably the ones that you wouldn't bother cleaning for because they come around so often.

One comment by a friend's friend set my personal coda on this. She had recently invited a number of people to an event, and one person's reply, "I'll be there unless something comes up", really irritated her. Essentially, this style of reply boils down to 'I'll come, unless there's something better on, in which case I'll happily go somewhere else'. After thinking about her whinge for a while I decided that no longer would I go to whatever sounded best that weekend/evening. The first invitation sticks. And with the exception of events that are eclipsed by work or family events, I've kept to that. Furthermore, RSVPs are to be respected. If you're going, give the host warning that they've got another person to cater for. If you're not, let them know too. It's basic courtesy.

I could expand on this with reference to other aspects of celebrations (drinking, piking, etc), but I'm sure you can think through it yourself. In essence, parties are a social event, not just an excuse for people to stuff around. Even when it's down-time, think about the rammifications of your actions.